I would name the stars for you
by mirajens
Summary: We are born into many lives and my soul will find yours in all of those. I promise.
1. (h)arms

**note:** The reincarnation au of my damn dreams! I'm so excited for this because while I have the 100Kinks thing going on, I'm gonna use this to balance out all the lovey-dovey smutty romance with tragic romance! In case it wasn't obvious, this fic will contain a lot of death. You know so they can get reincarnated into the next life? The chapter death will vary between Lucy or Natsu (whoever dies first anyway) but be assured that this won't focus on death! I'll be putting fluffy pieces up in here and funny ones, whatever floats my boat. The "lives" will be diverse. I'm kind of thinking about alternate dimensions or at least the concept of it but I don't have it all figured out yet. For example, one life like shown in this first chapter they're mortals but in another maybe Lucy is immortal. Time skipping will be a thing, too. Anyway, please enjoy!

 **warning:** age difference

* * *

 **.**

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 **─(h)arms**

 _(New Orleans, Fall 2003)_

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

There's a burden in his hand, bearing a lifetime of regret that's sure to come.

In this moment, he can't afford to think of how it also holds a lifetime of the love he'd been hungry for; he knows he can't keep it, knows that mortal and immortal mix as well as oil and water. He can't keep holding her back like this and as long as he wears the band of gold around his finger, she will hope and she will want for things he can't give her.

(a long life together, nights spent by a fire never having to worry about the end of their days, arms that don't go weak and ugly with age wrapped around her at any time, no more talk of how he's _old_ and she's not)

But he does think. He thinks many things right now: that they shouldn't have gotten married right out of college,that he shouldn't have wanted a life with her knowing that his was much more feeble and short than her everlasting one, that all of their love until now has been the best he could hope for but it needs to end─ God, he doesn't want it to, but it does.

It's hard to swallow past the buildup of ugly things in his throat, clogged in his arteries and retarding breath. But he pushes through, because he can't afford for her to talk first and say something that is sure to make him fall in love more and weaken his resolve.

This is for her, he tells himself.

"We can't be together anymore. It's not fair to either of us, we'll be unhappy in the long run." Is what he says, and he doesn't mean it, but it's what he needs to say because it's what she has to hear. He feels his hands shake, so his fingers tighten around the metal in his hands, his palms humid. He sees her urge to retaliate, but he can't give her that chance because she can change his mind with even no words; just that sad look in her eyes. He tells himself this life is wrong for them. Maybe in the next one, fate won't play with them this way and their mortalities will match.

"I've already made my decision." He says with finality that doesn't belong on him. He's old now, old enough to look like her father but he's never been the stern one between them. But he needs to be. He can't drag her down like this. "Good bye, Lucy,"

He releases her hand and leaves the symbol of her promises in it.


	2. white gold

.

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— **white gold**

(Napa, CA, Spring 1925)

.

.

He'd been travelling on foot for a fortnight and searching for even longer than that. Breath drummed in his chest as he realized that his search had come to to fruition; he was here and he knew that she was as well.

He could not take a step onto the sprawling walkway of cobblestone leading to a sterling colonial. If his news were correct, there was a large vineyard just beyond it where the sweetest reds came. It seemed Natsu's feet was stuck. He might be just tired but he was probably also petrified. He'd been following false leads about the other half of his soul for so long, he wasn't sure he was ready to finally meet her again or to be disappointed again. Either thought made bile churn in his belly.

"Are you lost, mister?" a tiny voice broke through his reprieve. In front of him, two feet shorter than eye line was a girl. Gold-spun hair, cherry-tinted cheeks and a heart-shaped face. _Lucy,_ it sounded desperate even in Natsu's mind. It seemed he couldn't speak.

But her eyes were blue.

"Um," he tried to clear his throat. "I'm looking— I was wondering if I had the right house." His palm was damn with sweat and too weak to clench into a fist. "Does Lucy Heartfilia live here?"

The little girl regarded him before speaking. "I'm Lucy Heartfilia. But I don't know you and everybody calls me Lucille so you're probably looking for my gramma. Come." She offered a hand to him, small and dirty from the healthy soil she liked to bury her dolls in. "I'll take you to her."

Natsu took her hand.

* * *

Around the house was a long patio overlooking the land, elevated by an earth pile to provide better views of the landscape. Natsu imagined that after a long day of work, it was nice to see all the results in a heart wrenching panorama. But maybe the pain in his chest was not from the pretty sunset on the horizon, but the woman on a porch swing.

"Gramma!" Young Lucille yelled in a healthy volume misplaced on a tiny person. "Someone is here to see Lucy but I'm not the only Lucy." Her small hand smudging soil onto his flexed. "Is he yours?"

 _Yours._ Natsu swallowed, unable to voice any greeting. He could only stare dumb-foundedly. She was undeniably Lucy Heartfilia but with silver and wrinkles.

For the second time that day, he was considered by Lucy. Her sharp gaze softened when she smiled. "Yes, he is mine. Won't you give us some privacy, sweetheart? I'm sure your brother is missing you up front."

Lucille grinned at Natsu before darting off.

* * *

He joined Lucy on her swing ( _"My son made this for my birthday a few years back. Isn't it lovely?"_ ) at her request. Natsu had yet to say something and she dutifully filled in the blanks with small anecdotes about her house, her family. The life she made without him.

He interrupted her as she told him about the cheerful vines that she still harvested with her own hands. "I left home eight years ago. As soon as I turned eighteen I left my family to find you."

Lucy nodded slowly, that sweet smile never leaving her lips. She still looked like she did in his dreams. Older, but just as radiant. "I always knew you would find me."

Hot tears streaked down Natsu's cheek as he ground his molars and clenched his hands. "I'm too late."

"You're here now." Lucy took a fist and rubber a thumb over the back of his palm. She'd always been so soothing in all their lives.

"You're not mine,"

"I am always yours. In every life, you swore to find me and in every life I will be yours." Lucy's own tears came, gentler than his angry ones. "Are you mad because I didn't wait for you?"

He couldn't lie to her. "Yes."

"Two people do not need to be together to love each other." She pressed a kiss to his hand, a tiny comfort. "You will find someone to make you happy in this life."

"It can be you." He had read how her husband died from natural causes six years ago.

Lucy laughed. "You flatter an old girl. But your life is just beginning, my love, and mine is ending." She tilted her head up to smile at him and he saw sunbeams. "I am ninety-six My bones hurt every day and I am more asleep than I am awake. Something ails me but I am too weary to fight it."

"You are sick?" Natsu choked out. When would the bad news end?

"I am at peace. Or at least I thought I was until my grand daughter came dragging you in." She laughed, hearty and bright. It did nothing to lift Natsu's spirit. "At least I got to see you."

Lucy leaned her head against his shoulder, a chance for either of them to have this moment. It would be the last, both of them knew. Natsu would not be around to watch her die.

"I'll be faster in the next life." Natsu promised, his tears dry but his heart still pounding. He focused on the heat of her against his side and how sturdy she felt even though she was soft and bony.

"I'm sure you will be." Lucy said. Natsu always kept his promises. "Promise me something."

"Anything."

"When you leave me, will you try?" She didn't look at him nor her at her. Their eyes followed the slow descend of the sun. There would be more lives to savor the look of each other. "Build a happy life like I did. Don't wait and don't spend too long grieving. We will have other lives."

The tightness in his chest was back. She asked too much of him. But Lucy was never one Natsu could say no to. "Fine."

Lucy nodded. Her eyes stung with unshed tears and she repeated her own words over and over until the tumult in her heart rested with the rise of the moon. They would have other lives.

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 **note:** Ahhh This one was my favorite concept of reincarnation. It still touches on age difference but in a more hopeless way, I guess? in the first chapter Lucy is immortal and Natsu isn't. But in this one, Lucy was born before Natsu and she's already dying when he finds her. I do love making myself sad!

I had a version of this written out in my broken laptop. This one isn't as good but it's enough for me. I love this series so much and I wasn't able to move forward with it because I didn't want to have to rewrite the older version of this chapter but it's gone now and I need to update this because its my fave.

Tell me how you're liking this. Any kind of scenario you'd like to see?


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